Seven Slags. One Mission. Become The Next Cock Destroyer.
“Do you know what we are? We’re fucking cock destroyers.” Rebecca More and Sophie Anderson are The Cock Destroyers- a pair of sex-positive porn performers with a habit for going viral. In 2018, they posted a NSFW video to promote a gangbang and gay twitter immediately went into overdrive. The memes are as hilarious as they are relentless, and The Cock Destroyers have quickly become internet icons, investing in queer brands and (along with MNEK) inadvertently delivering us one of the best girl groups to emerge in recent years.
Now Sophie and Rebecca are back, and they are on the hunt to reclaim the word slag, celebrate sex positivity and find the next international queer sex symbol/Cock Destroyer in their new Reality Show- SLAG WARS. After two weeks quarantining in the British countryside, seven slags with gumption turn up at the ‘slag house’ with what appears to be only a rucksack and their dreams to compete in raunchy, nonsensical challenges to win the title of The Next Destroyer. Like Bake Off and Mastermind, winning this show is all about the pride and esteem of it.
The seven contestants consist of queer sex workers, models, performers and content creators. There’s Nicky- a trans performer and burlesque artist, who has performed all over the world. Kevin is a self-confessed Cock Destroyer superfan, who doesn’t have any sexwork experience and is the only Scottish slag in the competition. On the other hand, Cain has lots of experience and is looking forward to ‘destroying some dicks.’ Tyreece is a non-binary party animal, who wants to make everyone gag for the right reasons. Adding spice to the mix are Levi and Cameron, a couple who are competing separately! Rounding off our eclectic group is Gustavo, who is proud to be representing Mexico, has sexy tattoos and is eating custard creams in every single talking head. Gustavo is my winner already.
Whilst shows like Drag Race are embroiled in controversy over who gets to take part, The Cock Destroyers are showing aspiring sex symbols that everyone is welcome. That being said, it would have been great to see a Black trans woman competing here too.
So that’s all the potential Next Destroyers! Assisting Sophie and Rebeccca in their search is Matthew Camp- actor, performer and adult entertainer- who isn’t encumbered by practical things like clothes or shoes.
Matthew wears jockstrap, by Rufskin
SPOILERS AHEAD…
Like all great reality concepts before it, there’s a mini and a main challenge. The first episode’s foreplay challenge tests the contestant’s sex appeal and performance skills as they pole dance outside erotically. The pole isn’t the sturdiest and I’m sure the participants were all very glad it was filmed on what seems like a sunny day. There are nerves, splits, twerking and slaggy moves.
The main challenge involves the potential next destroyers working in groups to ‘spread it all over the internet’ and produce their own viral videos. Scenarios include vampire twinks, lumberjacks and two rich slags having trouble with their bath. Slag Wars has full Channel 4 in the 90s vibes and needless to say, it’s a show best enjoyed with a few amaretto and cokes and a friend to whatsapp along with.
Alongside this, the drama at the slag house is sure to provide must-see reality TV moments. During the opening fifty minutes, we were treated to arguments that had the familiar appeal of being trapped in the smoking area at 4am with a mouthy, sexy stranger, but also were privy to discussions about struggles in the LGBTQ+ community that are rarely given screen-time. Ultimately, it’s lovely seeing queer people on the telly empowered within their sexuality.
But this is a competition! Or is it? When Chris Crocker joins them for judging- have you been sucking any juicy cocks recently Chris?- things heat up. I don’t want to spoil too much, but let’s just say that when it’s time to eliminate someone The Cock Destroyers prove exactly what made them such stars in the first place and provide us with a cliff-hanger that will be sure to have you tuned in next week.
All that is to say, I am not sure why we are enduring daily episodes of I’m a Celeb on primetime TV when we should be getting this at 9pm instead? The whole thing is completely enlightening and tackles judgments about sex workers, gender identity and kink. Slag Wars is a cacophony of camp, sex and silicone, but it’s also about pushing boundaries, being sex-positive and embracing your body. It’s accessible, it’s naughty, it’s free.
I wish there was more space for the runway element (the first episode’s theme of lavish latex could do with being a squeeze more licentious) but this is an extremely minor gripe in what is essentially a queer masterpiece. The indiscriminate bleeping of fuck and cock is bewildering and hysterical, the Cock Destroyers are born presenters and the contestants seem like they’re having a ball.
So after all that, what exactly is being a Cock Destroyer all about? As far as I can tell, it’s about being true to yourself, exuding sexiness and embracing your wild side. Deep down, I am sure we can all be Cock Destroyers if we put our minds to it.
Love Ben x
A FEW OTHER THINGS!
More than one this week, but here’s a few things I’ve been enjoying recently.
Bob The Drag Queen is doing recaps here of each episode of Slag Wars. Well worth your time.
Both Kylie Minogue’s “DISCO” and Miley Cyrus’ “Plastic Hearts” are albums you should have in your ears.
Dolly Parton’s “Christmas on the Square” is finally on Netflix and is a festive fever dream.
My brother has started a tie-dye clothing business and I know I am biased, but they are awesome and here.